A Discontented Winter Wonderland

Imagine  a world in which Prince Harry overthrows the monarchy, then enlists the help of Mr Spock and the crew of the Starship Enterprise, plus Greta Thunberg, the entire cast of ‘The Big Bang Theory’ and ‘Made in Chelsea’, plus the ‘Men in Black’ – oh, and a rabid dog - to lead a popular uprising in the name of climate change, ‘Youf Issues’ and gagging the grown ups!

Imagine a KES production that mashes up high-octane dance tunes, House music and old school Hip-hop classics with Shakespeare, Extinction Rebellion, ‘EastEnders’, the ‘Teletubbies’, flash mobs and a little bit of Whitney Houston! 

Imagine all that - and you still won’t come close to the crazy, kick-ass, cartoon-capering brilliance of the inaugural Year 9 KES production. Forget Storm Ciara, ‘Discontented Winter: House Remix’ blasted through the Wroughton Theatre at Gale Force 9, and KES Drama will never be quite the same! 

Blazing the trail for all future Year 9 plays this brave, brilliant (and sometimes bonkers!) production has the audience rolling in their seats  – and rolling with the punches. As flashlights and sirens scream across a stage that resembles Stormzy’s Glasto set, the opening footage (created by cast members Alex Knight and Grace Lineko) is of knife crime, wildfires in Oz, bumbling Bojo and Oompa-Loompa Trump, Greta and her Climate Strikers, riots on the streets of London, and mass protest across the nation. 

Yes, this is a world brewing with discontent and who better to articulate that than the Bard. The opening lines are from ‘Richard III’ (though I don’t recall Shakespeare setting them to a beatbox tune!) Throughout the play, soundbites of Shakespearean blank verse are set to raps and musical samples, iambic pentameter turned into ‘EmCee’ flow  - all devised by this talented young company in workshop sessions with old Edwardians Jake Hight, and Louie Milton, who also developed the music for this production and plays a live DJ set on stage, lending a whole new level to the phrase ‘Too Cool for School’!

So what’s it all about, I hear you ask? Well, Rona is a post-Millennial malcontent played by Megan Pike - a little bit Falstaff, a little bit Peaky Blinder, a little bit Artful Dodger, she and her posse of hoodied ASBO goons (Peter Weston-Burt, Imogen Thorn and Ellen Wheeler) feel lied to and betrayed by nameless, faceless authority figures. So they turn ‘To be or not to be’ into D ‘N’ B – or was it Bump ‘n’ Grind? Or it might have been Drill! The point is, the disaffected Dane would have approved, methinks.  

Enter Shazzer, played by Violet Fitzwater Bowker – her boyf’s in jail on a trumped up drugs charge (blame the malcontent) and she really should have auditioned for ‘Love Island’  – instead she ends up part of a convoluted plot to change the world by capturing a prince  - or was it two princes? She definitely ended up with the wrong one, anyway. Sometimes you kiss a frog and … he’s just a bit slimy!  

Not that either of these polo-playing posh-boys is Mr Right, or Prince Charming for that matter! Jacob Coutts (Prince Ed) and Jonty Manners Bell  (Prince Hal) are the ‘heir’ and the ‘spare’ (sound familiar?)  - galloping in on invisible polo ponies, rapping ‘My kingdom for a polo horse!’, thrusting their Divine Right in the audience’s face – these pair of royal nitwits are ‘The Crown’ meets ‘Blackadder’ – their lecherous innuendo is enough to turn anyone Republican!  

Luckily, the right royal numpties end up ‘hoist by their own petard’, thanks to the machinations of the Men in Black (more of whom later!)  a simpering social worker (played with hilarious comic inflection by Grace Blackwell), KES’s answer to ‘Just Eats’ - the gloriously greasy Greenie (Eve Muir) a viciously invisible dog (possibly my favourite character in the whole play, thanks to his expert handler Tobin Bye) and a hoodlum called Pog (the lairy, gurning Alex Knight). Only there’s a wee bit of a mix-up which means the wrong prince goes to the ball, while the rightful heir ends up in the tower (towerblock, that is!)  And we all know what happens to princes in towers (or princesses for that matter, though Ed is no Rapunzel!) ‘Good night, sweet Prince,’ sing the goons, somehow turning the most poignant lines in Shakespeare just a little bit Loony Toons!

Wait, did I mention Serena? Played by Neve Riley and accompanied by her shimmering posse of ‘Posh Totty’ (Ellie Martin, Lucy Smith, Abby Baxter, Grace Lineko, Barnaby Saumarez Smith, Sienna Lawrence and Clotilde Motel) Serena is a little bit ‘Waity Katie- Middleton’, a little bit Megan Markle (the Harry years!), a whole lot of Regina George - and totes Blair Waldorf, dahling! Her ladies-in-waiting are like the cast of ‘Made in Chelsea’ meets The Plastics – gorgeously attired in designer sequins and spangles, quite happy to commit serious felonies to get their man. Or Serena’s man – the heir to the throne, no less.  Well, sometimes a girl has to take drastic measures to get a royal rock on her pinkie and her Disney Princess Happy Ending!

Attempting to untangle the Windsor boys from this right royal pickle are their entourage: the Beatboxing Blues Brothers, Brotherton (Ollie Featherstone) and Towler (Joe Johnson) along with the Security Staff (Gabriel Fallon and Kaspar Alt-Reuss). Channelling the Keystone Kops, via Will Smith and ‘The Bodyguard’ (Richard Maddon or Kevin Costner – take your pick!) this security detail bungles through car chases (with no cars!) hostage situations and ‘It’s a Royal Knock-Out’ kidnappings with epic incompetence which make them firm favourites with the audience.

Except … did I mention the aliens? Sorry, half Vulcan- half human (I think? Trekkies, please forgive my ignorance!) Imagine Dr Spock had triplets – who bred with ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks’ then became disciples of Greta Thunberg. Then pop the whole thing on helium and, hey presto, you have Dotty Hodge, Katie Shepperdson and Lily Chapman delivering apocalyptic lectures on the decline of the Troposphere with the Teletubbies as their backing crew. These three adorable little meteorological geeks (the 10/10 teachers’ pets of the Geography Department) come to the rescue of the plot, the universe and all humanity – as they turn Prospero to sing of the stuff that ‘dreams are made of’ before whipping up a tempest with the help of storm-makers cum flash mob (Sahara Purdie, Chloe Kuperman-Eagles, Nina Lewis, Georgie Grobler and Edie Bourne-Jones) to bring all the errant sub-plots to a suitably cyclonic climax! 

I could try and explain how it ends, but – honestly – I’m not sure I could if I tried. Suffice to say, that after all the mayhem and madness this production has a serious message  - or at least it raises big questions, then leaves you grasping for answers. When Rona delivers Hamlet’s monologue of misanthropy ‘What a piece of work is man…’  as the mini-Spock trio sing Prospero’s lyrical metatheatrical lament, and the street crew yell Prince Hal’s call-to- arms ‘Once more unto the breach…’ I found myself strangely moved.  The fact that the next minute the audience are participating in a game show style ‘pick us a winner’, channel-surfing like a Netflix-addict on fast forward, only adds to the disorientating, entertaining, exhilarating rollercoaster ride that is ‘Discontented Winter: House Remix.’

The Year 9 production came into being because – well, there are basically just too many talented KES actors – and this production showcases the brilliance of the Year 9 company with glorious gusto. Directed by  the endlessly inventive Mrs Stevens Craig, along with uber-talented Drama Intern (and former star of the KES stage) Emily Farmer, and brought to life with the creative brilliance of the amazing KES tech duo that is Becca Walker and James Sellick, ‘Discontented Winter’ was described by author Bryony Lavery  as ‘a big show, for the bold of heart’ – and with the new Year 9 production KES drama enters a brave new world – the stuff that dreams are made of!

Review by Mrs Bruton, English Department

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